AverageHumor

Your Neighborhood Humor Blog

51,498 notes

When I'm late:
these ppl gotta chill I'm exactly where I got to be at this moment. God put me here for a reason, I ain't suppose to rush the universe.
When somebody else late:
u stay irresponsible. Trash the fuck why u always late? How u go to work?? Lazy filth I've. Been waiting outside for 5 mins.... WHERE THE HELL U AT???!!

78,324 notes

johnscowlick:

johnscowlick:

when my mom was pregnant with me on halloween she painted her big pregnant belly like a pumpkin and that was my very first halloween costume i was born spoopy

WAIT I JUST REMEMBERED MY DAD ALSO DRESSED AS A PUMPKIN FARMER WITH A PACK OF PUMPKIN SEEDS IN HIS SHIRT POCKET BECAUSE HE PLANTED THE SEED OH MY FUCKING GOD HOW DID I JUST NOW GET THIS

(Source: uglicute, via kissarmy59)